I've Got Issues, by Blindedbylife

I've Got Issues

by Blindedbylife

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1.	On The Inside 02:30	lyrics	buy track
You come on over to say hi You just want to chat I seem like a fun guy There is nothing wrong with that It is just something to do All our talking is small How are things with you I like the art on your wall It is so totally normal It happens every day Easy and informal It’s just that game we all play I look you in the eyes And it seems like we connect You’d probably be surprised I hope you never suspect That I’m screaming inside I am just so full of panic I just wish that I had died Feeling completely volcanic I could explode at any moment Melt myself from inside out Make myself feel so abhorrent Overwhelmed by my own doubts You’re a friend of a friend I just want to be polite but I really want this to end and get on with my night I put on a fake smile I try to follow along I will be stuck here a while But I don’t really belong I struggle hard to join in I try to make some funny joke But very much to my chagrin The words get stuck and I choke In the end I end up silent And make a bad impression It is basically like I’m absent It just fuels my depression I’m screaming inside I am just so full of panic I just wish that I had died Feeling completely volcanic I could explode at any moment Melt myself from inside out Make myself feel so abhorrent Overwhelmed by my own doubts
2.	Ugly 02:39	lyrics	buy track
I could probably write a book About what I hate about how I look A long list of things that are shoddy That make up my terrible body I just feel no affection For that man in my reflection Perhaps I am being over reactive But I find myself so unattractive I don’t know what you see in me I have no idea how you can get snugly I just don’t see what it is you see Because all I see is ugly I don’t hate every single part But I am really no work of art There is more wrong than right I’d certainly give you a fright If you had to see me in the nude But don’t worry, that would be Rude But let's not be absurd Man that would be awkward I don’t know what you see in me I have no idea how you can get snugly I just don’t see what it is you see Because all I see is ugly Rejected for any reason you could think I can only assume that I stink Am I too fat, am I too hairy? Is my face really that scary? Is it my teeth? What about my nose? It must be just everything I suppose Body shaming can be quite insidious All I know is that I feel hideous I don’t know what you see in me I have no idea how you can get snugly I just don’t see what it is you see Because all I see is ugly
3.	Shaking 03:25	lyrics	buy track
Perhaps I am sensing my doom As I hide out in this bathroom Perhaps there is nothing to fear Yes I find myself still trapped here Frozen I can’t make myself move I just wish I could just improve Instead I am sure I just worsen When all I want is to be a real person Can’t seem to be free from this anxiety I’m trapped in this hole I’ve lost all control It feels like an ocean as I drown in emotion My will is breaking and I just really want to stop shaking It sounds like it should be easy Yet I keep feeling so queasy The cat seems to have my tongue There is no air in my lungs I really just want to belong But it has been far too long I’ve now made a bad impression Which only furthers my depression Can’t seem to be free from this anxiety I’m trapped in this hole I’ve lost all control It feels like an ocean as I drown in emotion My will is breaking and I just really want to stop shaking I draw my breath in deep Hope they don’t think I’m a creep I try and hold myself steady Am I finally ready? For a second lower your guard I mean this shouldn’t be that hard Stop staring and gawking Just seriously start talking Can’t seem to be free from this anxiety I’m trapped in this hole I’ve lost all control It feels like an ocean as I drown in emotion My will is breaking and I just really want to stop shaking
4.	Social Anxiety 02:26	lyrics	buy track
I don't like the crowd It is too loud Can't get the noise out of my head It is bedlam Surrounded by them Can't seem to fight this feeling of dread I will admit I just don't fit Can't seem to find that place that I belong Can't seem to flee This anxiety Wish for once I could be strong They say I suffer from social anxiety Which explains my impropriety So if ever you thought I was rude to you I hope this explanation will do Because really it's not you it's me Who does this so awkwardly I hope you understand me now I want to talk I just don't know how My hand in shaking And I am flaking About to just run away screaming Do you hate me? Just tolerate me? I'm not sure I'm worth redeeming I just curse I am the worst Really I'm sure you'll can plainly see Just counting down To when you are around When you finally just give up on me They say I suffer from social anxiety Which explains my impropriety So if ever you thought I was rude to you I hope this explanation will do Because really it's not you it's me Who does this so awkwardly I hope you understand me now I want to talk I just don't know how
5.	Silence 01:39	lyrics	buy track
Sound is like a room when the walls closing The noise makes the walls so imposing Try as I might I can’t seem to adapt No matter what I do I am trapped Like a vice on my head it squeezes Just want to find something that eases The paralyzing feeling I can’t escape Trying to find something I can drape Around me for some protection Something to give me some disconnection God I wish I didn’t have to be me And for a moment I could just be free I cover my ears and shrink away Hoping things get better some day I want the strength to show defiance But all I really want is some silence I fear inside is building up I just want to make you just shut up I want to scream I want to riot Just to make you please be quiet I will shout into this crowd You are not the only ones who can be loud My shouts might seem counterproductive But I’m not looking to be constructive This noise has finally taken its toll But for once I just want to have control

about

So it looks like you have made a mistake and found this is a small collection of songs written in my "anxious acoustic" style. Topics of these songs include trying to appear calm outside but screaming inside, feeling ugly, being so anxious I shake, dealing with social anxiety and just being overly sensitive so how loud people can be. They are pretty whinny but they are how I feel sometimes.... most of the time..... ok pretty much all the time but what can you do? Try and get better you say? It isn't really that easy but thanks for being so judgmental. Anyway, the point is I have problems and now my problems are your problems because you have to listen. Ok you don't have to listen, but please listen. Please

credits

released January 20, 2017

All songs written by Ryan Spence
All instruments, sounds, noises or whatever were preformed or programmed by Ryan Spence
Recorded, mixed and mastered in the privacy of my basement which is why is sounds like that. Sorry.
Cover photo by Ryan Spence

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about

Blindedbylife Ottawa, Ontario

I guess this is the place where I tell you a bit about myself and my music. But I am not really good and explaining things. For a song writer I am not always good with my words, which is probably why I am rambling a bit right now. Oh crap I seem to be running out of characters and I haven't really told you anything yet. I still have a bit of space so I guess I should at least say that my music is ... more