1. |
Over 30
06:46
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2. |
Rock Star
04:00
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You see that rock star up on stage
Like a wild animal freed from his cage
Walking around, he is sex freed
That special tingle is pretty much guaranteed
He takes off his shirt and you can feel the swoon
That kind of god, even guys aren’t immune
You can see his muscles, they seem to shine
Every girl there is just dying to intertwine
It is right around then that I realize
That this world isn’t meant for a man of my size
Because I am too fat to be a rock star
I am not even close, not even close by far
The quicker I accept the happier I’ll be
Rocking out in my basement where none can see me
With the sound of his voice, his words and his cadence
He has the crowd in rapture, it’s so intense
They are quiet when he wants, and shouts at his command
He whips us into frenzy with the mere gesture of his hand
We chant and we scream, no doubt we are under his power
To us he is a god, watch us bow to his tower
It is beyond belief to see his capability
Now on our knees and worship our new deity
I am seeing it now, it couldn’t be clearer
That this world isn’t meant for a man of my demeanour
Because I am too dull to be a rock star
I am not even close, not even close by far
The quicker I accept the happier I’ll be
Rocking out in my basement where none can see
Look at that poster you have up on the wall
Look deep in those eyes, he has you enthralled
There is no mistake, that face could be chiseled
You can’t help but stare, your neither region sizzles
Imagine yourself, pressed up against his lips
Imagine yourself pressed up against his hips
You would be forever, lost in his kiss
Your perfect, wonderful, personal Adonis
Now is the time, I think, to be proactive
This world isn’t meant for a man this unattractive.
Because I am too uglyl to be a rock star
I am not even close, not even close by far
The quicker I accept the happier I’ll be
Rocking out in my basement where none can see
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3. |
I'm a Gamer Nerd
04:24
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Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B,A
Select player 1 and I am ready to start
My name is Mario and I’m ready to thwart
All the Bowser because he is an asshole
But the princess is in another fucking castle
With my fire flower I am ready to brawl
With my Starman I am invincible
All the Goombas are left flat in my wake
But this water level is the last I can take
I killed the guard and the gun is now mine
Now I must escapes castle wolfenstien
Watch as I machine gun Nazi dogs
And by dogs and mean soldiers and actual dogs
This flipping chaingun lets me frag
Looking for secrets to I press every flag
My escape won’t as easy as I thought
I still have to kill that fucking hilter robot
I have to save another fucking princess?
How many of them do I have to impress?
Where is my shield, my sword, my boomerang?
If you get in my way you are going to hang
I don’t care if you’re a Moblin or Goriya
Even Darknut and wizzrobe or river zoras
With my many hearts and my sword that shoots lasers
Zelda will know I am the Link who will saves hers
My name is Roger and I’m a questing janitor
Awake in a new place? Time to explore
It seems my pod has be labelled as trash
I’ve got to build a new one in a flash
Blasting off to another quest whereupon
I must stop those pirates of Pestulon
I might be a fool but I ain’t no slouch
Put that ladder in your pocket….Ouch
Check me out, I’m a fucking space marine
I am huge and my armour is such a pretty green
With my shotgun I lay these zealots to waste
Try as you might, you will never see my face
Come on grunts, come jackals and elite
Even hunters lay dead at my feet
I will bath in your weird alien blood
Nothing can stop me, oh shit.. the flood
I wake up to the sound of that creepy robot voice
I have to complete a series of test, I really have no choice
It really doesn’t sound so bad, I mean how long could it take?
I get to play with this neat gun and I have been promised cake
Make a blue hole and through the orange I fly
But I get the feeling that the cake is a lie
I will show that stupid computer that I am not a rube
If only I can drown out that weighted companion cube.
Ok it’s pretty clear that I am just a nerd
So what are you going to do?
If you understood anything I just said
Then you’re probably a nerd too
I need to escape from here, but I don’t see a route
Lucky for me, I can level jump with my trusty flute
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4. |
Burn
02:52
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I wrote a song called Burn today
A fresh idea, I know it’s not
I couldn’t resist
The topic is just so hot (see what I did there?)
You probably think that
You heard Burn before
That’s because you did
It’s been done before
Maybe it was Trent
He was a Natural born killer
Rob Zombie did a Burn
But I think that track is just filler
Usher sang a song called burn
To say bye to a lover
And when Jo Dee Messina did it
It was actually a cover
Sevendust called a song Burn
But I am really not sure why
Even Collective Soul thought
Why don’t we give it a try
Tim Skold wrote a song called burn
He is very very mad
When The Cure do theirs
It can make you sad
Rancid said the burn roof
Doesn’t need water, but they’re lairs
And they took the lyrics from the song
The roof is on fire
It was done by some pop band
That is called Industry
Some guy named VanVelzen did it
He’s from another country
We are the fallen sing burn
But they are not evanescence
But it sounds an awful lot like them
But I mean no offense
Jessica Mauboy’s burn may have offended
But it wasn’t detrimental
And when Apocalyptica did it
It was an just an instrumental
I can understand
Burn is a great metaphor
It’s means are plentiful
It has uses galore.
You can burn with passion
For someone you hold above
You can burn with hate
Destroy everything you love
Burn can make you smile
Burn can make you cry
It can be so much
Why don’t you give it a try?
I don’t know everything
I am not trying to mislead ya
I learned most of this
On the wikipedia
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5. |
Evil Twin
03:14
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I have an evil twin and he is ruining my life
He is running around destroying my reputation
He may have even stolen my wife
But I am completely aware of his machinations
Get this, he is going around and being polite
He is helping all sorts of people that are in need
He is making children squeal with delight
Instead of doing the sensible thing, making them bleed
He has been holding open doors for men and women
Helping little old ladies walk safely across the street
He is calling my mother and then calling again
He plays poker with his friends, and doesn’t even cheat
Oh god my evil twin, he is running amuck
I don’t know how we are ever going to stop him
Passing out to everyone, flowers that he plucks
He is wiping down the machines when he is done at the gym
He keeps on donating his money to a local charity
He is happily volunteering a bunch of his free time
When he smiles at people it is with complete sincerity
He isn’t just planning his next big crime
My evil twin actually says thank you
And I hear he is a actually very good listener
He can actually see things from their point of view
He grabs things off high shelves for people littler
I can’t see how this could possibly be worse
I need to stop him, I can’t let him be free
I shouldn’t have opened the gate to the mirror universe
You know he is the evil twin, he doesn’t have a goatie
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6. |
Love You Like
03:32
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I love you like I hate the English language
I love you like I just don’t have a care
I don’t know which witch is which
Or which their, there or they’re
I love you like I use alot
As if it is just one word
Why should I care it isn’t
What am I, a nerd?
I love you like the idea of irony
That I always seem to misuse
Who cares if it’s a just coincidence?
I’ll use it however I choose
It isn’t like words actually have meanings
What do you want me to be?
Do you want me to understand every word that I say
Like I’m literally a dictionary?
I love you like I hate spelling
Words just have too many letters
Why would I use them, they are so pointless
My way is totally betters
I love you like I can’t finish words
That’s like OMG totes hilar
Who cares, whatevs I dunno
Your being totes ridics, no fair
I love you like I hate similies
Irregardless if things are comparable
I love you like I wrote down love
On a piece of paper that I left on a table
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7. |
Gritty Reboot
04:43
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Apparently we aren’t interested in your story
It has so been done, done to death
It’s just not real, it’s just not dark
No one waits with baited breath
To see your hero triumph,
It’s all just too god damn easy
No one cares about a shining knight
It is all way too cheesy
What we need is a gritty reboot
This whole thing needs a darker tone
This is a gritty reboot
The world is bleak and you’re all alone
It is time for a gritty reboot
There is no room for a happy place
In this fucking gritty reboot
Shove the grit right down your face
Make sure they dress in a sombre ensemble
Don’t forget the gravely voice
Make sure they are in a situation
Where they have no choice
But to come to a heart wrenching decision
About someone they truly love
Because we all know the needs of the many
Rank higher above
So we must feel his pain to be reminded
That he is multi dimensional
Do whatever we can to try and
Be unconventional
What we need is a gritty reboot
This whole thing needs a darker tone
This is a gritty reboot
The world is bleak and you’re all alone
It is time for a gritty reboot
There is no room for a happy place
In this fucking gritty reboot
Shove the grit right down your face
Make sure you don’t use flashy colours
Everything must be dark and grey
You can just forget the sunshine
Don’t even plan to shoot in the day
You see everything must be dark and dirty
Every detail must convey raw pain
You want the audience to sink into depression
It is time to drown their brain
In all the misery and woe you can
This is your change so you might
As well start killing off beloved characters
Left and right
Because it’s time for a gritty reboot
This whole thing needs a darker tone
This is a gritty reboot
The world is bleak and you’re all alone
It is time for a gritty reboot
There is no room for a happy place
In this fucking gritty reboot
Shove the grit right down your face
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8. |
I'm a Sci-Fi Nerd
04:41
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I’m out in the black, trying to live free
Have no place I can be, since I found tranquility
But the government is trying to track me down
They could be just mad, because my coat is brown
But they can’t catch me, of that I am a believer
And I ain’t scared of no Goram reaver
If they come to me with war I will tell you what I’ll do
I start fightin' a war, I guarantee, you'll see somethin' new
Sitting in my captains chair, as I trek through space
I am slaying or laying, whatever the case
Exploring the universe, that is my mission
And teaching green women all sorts of positions
Sailing through space with my pointy eared pal
Though he thinks I am so illogical
That’s why sometimes him and I quibble
I just want to say trouble with tribbles
I’m from the future, don’t lock me away
I am not crazy, I don’t care what you say
What about that makes me sound crazy?
I’m just looking for the army of the twelve monkeys
They unleash a virus, we live underground
You have to believe me, I don’t care how it sounds
These dreams of my death, they keep reoccurring
And apparently the monkeys are a red herring
Look at me, I’m traveling through time again
But this time I am in a classy DeLorean
If I change too much history I might never become
I need to fight the urge to go fuck my mom
Playing guitar to save your life is kind of scary
Just ask his cousin Marvin Berry
A broken tree branch causes cable tightening
Hit 88 while being struck by lightning
Traveling through time again, seriously?
Once I’m armed those silly humans flee
I just need your clothes and keys
I hunt you down with relative ease
A glance through the phonebook and you’re a goner
Excuse me my dear, are you Sarah Connor?
I will get you now, or I’ll get you later
You can’t run from the fucking terminator
Oh god, again with the time travel?
If I don’t then all existence might unravel
Leap from my TARDIS with my sonic in hand
I’m so amazing you’d think I planned it beforehand
It’s a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff
I’m The Doctor and I said it, isn’t that enough?
I bumble and bobble and I act like a fool
I wear a bowtie, bowties are cool
Ok it’s pretty clear that I am just a nerd
So what are you going to do?
If you understood anything I just said
Then you’re probably a nerd too
Light sabre in my right and force lighting in my left
Oh dude, seriously star wars has been done to death
I am left now, feeling such chagrin
I will just play myself out on this theremin
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9. |
Comfortable Love
04:45
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Do you realize that I have loved you for over a decade?
And not for a moment Do I think that love could ever fade
We don’t have a burning passion like we did in our youth
That certain fire is embers now, ain’t that the truth
But not for a second do I think time was wasted
Because that kind of fire has been replaced with
A comfortable love, after everything we’ve been through
A comfortable love, I know I can count on you
A comfortable love, with you I have no fear
A comfortable love, insert generic sappy line here
You can still make me laugh so hard sometimes I choke
With just an oopidoodles or an inappropriate joke
You know I can read your every facial expression
And you may think it’s some great transgression
I know you think it is some magic spell
But I just pay attention really well
A comfortable love, after everything we’ve been through
A comfortable love, I know I can count on you
A comfortable love, stays so strong, each and every day
A comfortable love, And something else really cliché
Let them have their fiery passion, I like how you keep me befuddled
Let them have their over the top romance, I just want to snuggle
After all this time I have no doubt that you’re the woman for me
I have to grudgingly admit that I can never really be free
You have me addicted like you are a drug
And what I am really craving is another hug
A comfortable love, after everything we’ve been through
A comfortable love, I know I can count on you
A comfortable love, it’s been said a million times before
A comfortable love, know that I love you for sure
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10. |
One Man Band
02:47
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Sometimes there are some problems with being in a band
The kind of problems your average joe might not understand
There is a harmony to a talented band all playing together
But oh dear god the horrid racket you get whenever
Someone in the band just isn’t pulling their weight
It really puts a damper on anything you try and create
That, you can bet can cause a lot of in fighting
Insults are hurled, kicks, tears and even some biting
It can cause a lot of tension and a lot of hurt feelings
Egos can burst and sometimes it is really hard dealing
With assholes and jerks and dicks that are so talent free
Especially when the only one in the band… is me
It’s really hard to live that rock n’ roll dream
When you are in a one man band with low self esteem
It is really hard to rock out all by yourself
When you are in a one man band when you hate yourself
It’s really hard to live that rock n’ roll dream
When you are in a one man band with low self esteem
It is really hard to rock out all by your lonesome
In a one man band that you find quite loathsome
I mean seriously, can you hear that guitar? So bad
And those drums, my god, where is that drum machine I had?
I mean listen to these lyrics, where they written by an idiot?
Who are you calling idiot? I am calling you an idiot
Who the hell are you to criticize me you jerk?!
I’d like to see you do better ….bang ouch, fighting sounds
It’s really hard to live that rock n’ roll dream
When you are in a one man band with low self esteem
It is really hard to rock out all by yourself
When you are in a one man band when you hate yourself
It’s really hard to live that rock n’ roll dream
When you are in a one man band with low self esteem
It is really hard to rock out all by your lonesome
In a one man band that you find quite loathsome
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11. |
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I take a look at my life and I am coming to realize
I can no longer live life this, I can’t wear this guise
It’s just too much pressure, Way too much attention
Oh the woe that is my life, I’m filled with apprehension
I dream of the day that no one knows my name
It is just too hard, my friends, to live with fortune and fame
That’s it, I’m quitting the music business
Everyone knows what my name is
I can’t handle the attention and stress
I’m way to god damn famous
Living the life of a rock star, is just too damn hard
Everywhere that I go, I have to be on guard
My fans, they just won’t leave me alone
I mean, come on, I’m not made of stone
I am just a person like any of you
How many times can someone scream “I love you”
I can’t walk down the street, Can’t enjoy a meal
Can’t be out in public at all, that wasn’t part of the deal
That’s it, I’m quitting the music business
Everyone knows what my name is
I can’t handle the attention and stress
I’m way to god damn famous
So I’m walking away, I am telling you right now
I am not coming back, no way, no how
I just want to go back, back to my regular life
No more groupie girls, just my loving wife
No more giant stadiums, just my living room
Just a normal life, not this rock star doom
Me, in a normal life, Do you think that’s funny?
Until I make another album, because I’ll need the money
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Blindedbylife Ottawa, Ontario
I guess this is the place where I tell you a bit about myself and my music. But I am not really good and explaining things. For a song writer I am not always good with my words, which is probably why I am rambling a bit right now. Oh crap I seem to be running out of characters and I haven't really told you anything yet. I still have a bit of space so I guess I should at least say that my music is ... more
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